March 2009 Archives

Then there were three of us. We were in a theater, maybe a movie theater, maybe it was a play, maybe it was the opera. I have reasons for each, but that wasn't really important. I was off to the side. There was a crowd, who were mostly up out of their seats and talking, It was before the show was going to start. The couple I couldn't stop looking at was in the middle of a row of seats, having a seemingly pleasant conversation.

Then she got up, to return in a few minutes. Now I was looking at just me, me 2 years younger. It was at this point that I realized the gravity of the situation: I had traveled back in time somehow, and my younger self was alone. I could talk to him. I could tell him anything. I could give him knowledge about the future. I could change the future.

I walked up to my other self. He didn't seem surprised by my presence, and there was no drama in our meeting. He listened, and I knew he would do what I told him. I told him how she was going to leave him. How he was going to hurt her, and that their relationship would end. I told him to try harder. That he was happier now with her than I was alone, without her. I explained everything, more than I probably even really know.

It worked. I returned to the present, maybe through some spectacular means I don't remember, but regardless, I was back. I had succeeded. She was there with me. I felt relieved. I felt good. But it was short lived. As I returned to the present, seeing her, I slowly realized what I was doing, what we were doing. Like we have done hundreds of times before, we were arguing.

I woke up. Did I really want this change? Was our split ultimately better? Or did I really want the chance still, to do things right, to do things better? Did the arguing mean I didn't really believe I could do any better? Or just me reminding myself that it would be hard? I still don't know...